My name is Guiying.
It has been many years since I decided to follow Jesus.
It says decide to follow the Jesus is like getting engaged, baptism is like getting married. It took me years from engagement to marriage.
I was scared of getting baptised, because I was afraid that I can not be a good follower who is so faithful, so proud of being a Christian, and would like to sacrifice for Christ. Also, I am very hesitant to pray in front of people.
I thought it was so good not to be a Christian, because I don’t have to pray in front of people, don’t have to donate, don’t have to bring anything for the potluck. No matter what happens to the Christians, it has nothing to do with me.
Although I am full of these all kinds of selfish thoughts, God never stops providing whatever I need. (this is one of the reason, don’t know how to express)
Another reason I am going to get baptised today is that I always promised I would get baptised if my prayers come true. However, I always tried to found some excuses after God answered my prayers. I felt shame about it after several times. So, I think it’s better to do what I said, which is to get baptised.
I was a teenager the first time I knew there is a God in this universe. I was in the garden of my father’s house by myself that day, all of a sudden, I felt like there was a person watching at me from the sky.
The eyes were full of justice, which means I would get punished if I did something wrong, but he would help me if I was doing something right. I didn’t feel the love at that moment, only justice.
Now when I think back, that’s the first time God talked to me. I am so grateful that God let me know him, considering the Buddhism is so popular at my hometown and nobody knows who the Jesus is.
The second time God talked to me, because of my mother.
My mother passed away when I was 12, due to sickness. She was the closest person to me in this world, and she was all my motivation to be a good person and a good student.
Although I knew she was sick, it’s very hard for me to understand why she passed away when I was so young. I was full of hate, I felt like I was abandoned. Even till now, I still hate saying I was “the child without mother”, it was the most shameful thing to me, almost like insult.
My mother was such a kind and soft person, I didn’t understand why she died so early, while those evil people live for so long. Therefore, I kept asking why, why this happened to me.
Until several years later, one day, a voice told me that my mother was suffered too much in this world, so God took her away. After that, I felt much better.
Although I didn’t know Jesus is the God, I never worshiped anything else in my life before I came to the church, because none of them are like the one I know. My relationship with God didn’t improve either since the day he talked to me, because I didn’t know I could pray to him and get closer to him.
Back in China, I learned about Jesus Christ in English class, but I thought that’s just the culture of western countries. Until I came to Canada, came to the church, I started learning that Jesus is the God who talked to me.
In the church, people asked me, “do you believe in the God?” I said, proudly “Yes, of course”. But when they asked me, “do you believe Jesus is the God”, I don’t know what to say.
It’s very difficult for me to accept that the God I know came to this world as a human being and was crucified for us. It’s hard for me to feel that kind of love, it’s even a little overwhelming.
With doubts and a lot of questions, I started praying to the God as the Christians do. I wanted to prove that the God I know is Jesus. When I received the responses after prayer, I know Jesus is the God I know.
Thinking back again, although God took away my mother, he put a lot of angels in my life. He was taking care of me all the time.
My parents are farmers and the life was not rich, it became worse after my mother passed away.
Back then, there was no free education, the tuition fees and life expenses for high school were expensive for a family from the farm.
My father and all the relatives wanted me to go to college after grade 9. In that way, I would get a job very early and then I could support my family. I knew they were right and I even got in an interview for a college. But my dream was go to university and then get a PhD degree.
Eventually, I chose the high school, I decided to do it without any financial support from my dad, that year, I was 15. Now I know God helped me made that decision.
He arranged everything for me since grade 10. He even arranged all the tuition fees and all the life expenses for 4 years of university, although I did very bad in the university entrance examination.
Now I finally understand why I didn’t worry about the money at all for the university in that summer after the biggest national examination. With the help from God, I achieved my dream without financial support from my father.
And then I came to Canada, live and work here, everything, every step, was full of the love from the God. There are too many to tell about how much God did for me.
After I came to the church and joined the bible study group, I started praying for my marriage. I was pretty anxious about it back then, because I felt like I was too old to get a boyfriend or get married. However, God answered my prayer quickly and sent my Mr. Right to me almost right away.
I am a sinner, however, God never gives up on me. Now I understand, God loves me not because how good or bad I am, but because he is my salvation even before I was born. All I need to do is to accept this gracious gift.
March 18, 2018