大家好!

我叫梅桂英。

Hello everyone!

My name is Guiying.

从决志信主,到今天受洗,经历了很多年。

It has been many years since I decided to follow Jesus.

大家都说决志就跟订婚一样,受洗就跟结婚一样。我订婚了很多年,却一直迟迟不敢结婚。

It says decide to follow the Jesus is like getting engaged, baptism is like getting married. It took me years from engagement to marriage.

我一直不敢受洗,是因为害怕自己不能像在坐的所有基督徒一样虔诚,也害怕自己做不到以基督徒的身份为荣,更害怕没法为信仰舍生,我甚至不愿意在人面前开口祷告。

I was scared of getting baptised, because I was afraid that I can not be a good follower who is so faithful, so proud of being a Christian, and would like to sacrifice for Christ. Also, I am very hesitant to pray in front of people.

我曾经以为,不是基督徒的时候多好,没人会叫我为众人祷告,也不用奉献;每次聚餐,两手空空而来,回去的时候还带上一大盒;基督徒受迫害,也不会牵连到我。

I thought it was so good not to be a Christian, because I don’t have to pray in front of people, don’t have to donate, don’t have to bring anything for the potluck. No matter what happens to the Christians, it has nothing to do with me.

虽然我的内心充满了这些自私自利的想法,神却从来没有停止过对我的供给。

Although I am full of these all kinds of selfish thoughts, God never stops providing whatever I need. (this is one of the reason, don’t know how to express)

今天受洗的另一个原因,是因为我对主有承诺。不知有没有弟兄姐妹跟我一样,当急切的跟神求一件事的时候,我就跟神说,如果这个愿望实现了,我就受洗。然而每次愿望达成了,我就想,主应该不会这么计较,然后就忘了我的承诺。这样几次之后,我也感觉很羞愧,决定既然说了就做到吧。

Another reason I am going to get baptised today is that I always promised I would get baptised if my prayers come true. However, I always tried to found some excuses after God answered my prayers. I felt shame about it after several times. So, I think it’s better to do what I said, which is to get baptised.

第一次认识神,是我还在十几岁的时候,记得那天我一个人在家里的菜园子里,突然觉得天上有一双眼睛在看着我。

I was a teenager the first time I knew there is a God in this universe. I was in the garden of my father’s house by myself that day, all of a sudden, I felt like there was a person watching at me from the sky.

这是一双公义的眼睛,如果我做错了事他会惩罚,如果我为一个正确的目标努力,他会成全。那时并没有感受到爱,仅仅只是公义。

The eyes were full of justice, which means I would get punished if I did something wrong, but he would help me if I was doing something right. I didn’t feel the love at that moment, only justice.

现在回想起来,那是神第一次对我说话。在那个不知道基督是何物、佛教盛行之地,神能够这样启示我,我真的很感恩。

Now when I think back, that’s the first time God talked to me. I am so grateful that God let me know him, considering the Buddhism is so popular at my hometown and nobody knows who the Jesus is.

第二次神对我说话,是因为我的母亲。

The second time God talked to me, because of my mother.

母亲在我12岁的时候就因病去世了。在那之前,她是这个世界上我最亲近的人,是我所有的精神动力所在。

My mother passed away when I was 12, due to sickness. She was the closest person to me in this world, and she was all my motivation to be a good person and a good student.

我不明白她为什么会那么早去世,虽然是因为疾病,但我不能理解、也无法原谅。感觉自己被抛弃了。直到现在,我依然不喜欢说我是一个 “没妈的孩子”,对年幼的我来说那简直是一种莫大的耻辱。

Although I knew she was sick, it’s very hard for me to understand why she passed away when I was so young. I was full of hate, I felt like I was abandoned. Even till now, I still hate saying I was “the child without mother”, it was the most shameful thing to me, almost like insult.

母亲是一个那么温和善良的人,我不明白她为什么那么早去世,而那些无恶不为的人却活的那么长久。所以我不停的问为什么,为什么这种事会发生在我身上。

My mother was such a kind and soft person, I didn’t understand why she died so early, while those evil people live for so long. Therefore, I kept asking why, why this happened to me.

几年之后,突然有一天,有一个声音对我说,是因为母亲在世上遭受了太多的艰辛和痛苦,所以神把她接走了。那之后我的内心平静了很多。

Until several years later, one day, a voice told me that my mother was suffered too much in this world, so God took her away. After that, I felt much better.

那个时候,虽然我并不认识耶稣基督,但我也从不拜任何别的偶像,因为我觉得没有一个跟我认识的神很像。那个时候也不知道跟神祷告、不知道我也可以亲近神。

Although I didn’t know Jesus is the God, I never worshiped anything else in my life before I came to the church, because none of them are like the one I know. My relationship with God didn’t improve either since the day he talked to me, because I didn’t know I could pray to him and get closer to him.

英语课上学到过”耶稣基督”这个词,但那时候以为这只是西方的一种文化。真正认识耶稣基督是来到加拿大之后。

Back in China, I learned about Jesus Christ in English class, but I thought that’s just the culture of western countries. Until I came to Canada, came to the church, I started learning that Jesus is the God who talked to me.

来到教会,有人问我,你相信有神吗?我很自豪的说相信啊,他们再问,那你相信耶稣基督就是那位神吗?我不知如何回答。

In the church, people asked me, “do you believe in the God?” I said, proudly “Yes, of course”. But when they asked me, “do you believe Jesus is the God”, I don’t know what to say.

我没法把两者连在一起,我认识的神怎么会变成肉身来到这个世上?我也没法体会和接受那种被钉在十字架上的爱。

It’s very difficult for me to accept that the God I know came to this world as a human being and was crucified for us. It’s hard for me to feel that kind of love, it’s even a little overwhelming.

虽然有很多的疑惑和不解,我还是学着基督徒的样子祷告,我想证实那位神就是耶稣基督。当看到祷告被回应的时候,我就知道耶稣基督就是很早以前我认识的那位神。

With doubts and a lot of questions, I started praying to the God as the Christians do. I wanted to prove that the God I know is Jesus. When I received the responses after prayer, I know Jesus is the God I know.

再回想过去,虽然主带走了我的至亲,却在我的身边安放了很多天使,我的每一步,他都在带领。

Thinking back again, although God took away my mother, he put a lot of angels in my life. He was taking care of me all the time.

我家在农村,父母都是老实巴交的农民,母亲去世后,生活就变得雪上加霜。

My parents are farmers and the life was not rich, it became worse after my mother passed away.

那时没有义务教育,高中的学费对一个农村家庭来说就已经很昂贵。

Back then, there was no free education, the tuition fees and life expenses for high school were expensive for a family from the farm.

初中毕业时有很多挣扎,我的目标是上重点大学、上硕士、上博士,但我父亲和所有的亲戚都劝我上好一点的中专,这样可以早一点支持家里,我也明白这个道理,还去附近的中专师范做了个面试。

My father and all the relatives wanted me to go to college after grade 9. In that way, I would get a job very early and then I could support my family. I knew they were right and I even got in an interview for a college. But my dream was go to university and then get a PhD degree.

但最后我还是执意选择了高中,现在回想,是神让15岁的我有勇气做那个违背了所有人意愿的决定。

Eventually, I chose the high school, I decided to do it without any financial support from my dad, that year, I was 15. Now I know God helped me made that decision.

从上高中开始我就没有跟家里要过一分钱。虽然高考是我人生中最失败的一次考试,但神还是很眷顾我,大学四年所有的开支,包括所有的学费和生活费,神都帮我做了安排。

He arranged everything for me since grade 10. He even arranged all the tuition fees and all the life expenses for 4 years of university, although I did very bad in the university entrance examination.

现在,我终于明白,为什么高考之后的那个夏天,本来应该为了学费焦头烂额的日子,我却那么心安。

Now I finally understand why I didn’t worry about the money at all for the university in that summer after the biggest national examination. With the help from God, I achieved my dream without financial support from my father.

直到后来出国,然后是这边的工作和生活,一点一滴,都充满了神的恩典和眷顾。

And then I came to Canada, live and work here, everything, every step, was full of the love from the God. There are too many to tell about how much God did for me.

再后来是我的婚姻,当时也很焦虑,年纪一把了还没有男朋友,晚上经常因为焦虑而失眠。参加小组学习之后不久,我就决志了,然后开始学着祷告,祈求神赶紧帮我找到那个适合的人。神也垂听了我的祷告,而且很快就把那个人送到我面前。

After I came to the church and joined the bible study group, I started praying for my marriage. I was pretty anxious about it back then, because I felt like I was too old to get a boyfriend or get married. However, God answered my prayer quickly and sent my Mr. Right to me almost right away.

我是个罪人,但神从来没有放弃过我,现在我终于明白,得救成为基督徒不是我有多好或多么不好,是主耶稣基督自己为我所成就的。他已经完成了救恩,我只需凭信心接受这份礼物。神明白我们的心意,也比我们自己更懂我们,只要我们愿意交托,他必成全。

I am a sinner, however, God never gives up on me. Now I understand, God loves me not because how good or bad I am, but because he is my salvation even before I was born. All I need to do is to accept this gracious gift.

阿门

Amen!

梅桂英

March 18, 2018